Through the Wild Woods
Where do I start today? It's funny, you think you know it all, where you are, where life will lead you, what your purpose is, what the plan is and all that, then......all of the sudden someone takes all the knots out of your rope!
You feel as though you are hanging on for dear life, to the very last knot, and one more move and it's going to unravel you will fall or....your hand will slip and fall...or....but for whatever reason, God never lets you go beyond that last knot.
(this all does relate to life with mom, bear with me)
Mom's dementia seems to be progressing at a rate that I'm sure I was ready for. Although I knew it was coming, I just didn't see the physical personal challenge that was ahead. For mom, her biggest challenge is getting up in the morning, getting from point A to point B, eating (getting her to eat), staying awake.....ok, so you can see she has many "biggest challenges".
It is much harder and takes much more effort for her to get around the house. Even the short walk from the living room, through our very small spare room to my bathroom....you might as well be asking her to walk around the block.
While our front bathroom has been under construction, we have needed to devert her to using our bathroom. Each day is a little harder for her. Her legs just don't want to move. I find myself doing much more lifting with her, out of her chair, off the toilet, out onto the front porch, getting into bed.
We have found her several times now, on the floor in the mornings, beside her bed. Unable to tell if she fell, slipped off, or just decided her bed was no longer comfortable. In any case, she could not get up and I could not lift her from that point, straight up from the floor.
Now I'm researching hospital beds, headrests for her wheelchair, ramps for the front porch, even wheelchair access equipped mini vans ( I know, this may be over doing it, but I like to take her out of the house and down to the marina sometimes, or to the mall or to church...) Now it is very hard for her to walk just from the front door to my car which is parked right in front, on the street. I'm growing tired, weary, and mom just keeps on going. She may not be dancing on tables, or doing the jig, but she is living the best she can.
And so this is where I feel God is taking me on a journey with my mom, through the WildWoods.
Where will it end? When will it end? I have not an answer to either. Perhaps when God believes I am ready to handle what is at the end. I've thought many times I was ready, but anytime Mom gets sick or something, I find myself is a pool of tears as I see myself having to say goodbye to her. So, maybe I'm not ready.
I JUST DON'T KNOW!!! I don't, I don't , I don't.
One day, I will pass through these woods.....but not today. One day we will both, my mom and I, pass through these woods.
You feel as though you are hanging on for dear life, to the very last knot, and one more move and it's going to unravel you will fall or....your hand will slip and fall...or....but for whatever reason, God never lets you go beyond that last knot.
(this all does relate to life with mom, bear with me)
Mom's dementia seems to be progressing at a rate that I'm sure I was ready for. Although I knew it was coming, I just didn't see the physical personal challenge that was ahead. For mom, her biggest challenge is getting up in the morning, getting from point A to point B, eating (getting her to eat), staying awake.....ok, so you can see she has many "biggest challenges".
It is much harder and takes much more effort for her to get around the house. Even the short walk from the living room, through our very small spare room to my bathroom....you might as well be asking her to walk around the block.
While our front bathroom has been under construction, we have needed to devert her to using our bathroom. Each day is a little harder for her. Her legs just don't want to move. I find myself doing much more lifting with her, out of her chair, off the toilet, out onto the front porch, getting into bed.
We have found her several times now, on the floor in the mornings, beside her bed. Unable to tell if she fell, slipped off, or just decided her bed was no longer comfortable. In any case, she could not get up and I could not lift her from that point, straight up from the floor.
Now I'm researching hospital beds, headrests for her wheelchair, ramps for the front porch, even wheelchair access equipped mini vans ( I know, this may be over doing it, but I like to take her out of the house and down to the marina sometimes, or to the mall or to church...) Now it is very hard for her to walk just from the front door to my car which is parked right in front, on the street. I'm growing tired, weary, and mom just keeps on going. She may not be dancing on tables, or doing the jig, but she is living the best she can.
And so this is where I feel God is taking me on a journey with my mom, through the WildWoods.
Where will it end? When will it end? I have not an answer to either. Perhaps when God believes I am ready to handle what is at the end. I've thought many times I was ready, but anytime Mom gets sick or something, I find myself is a pool of tears as I see myself having to say goodbye to her. So, maybe I'm not ready.
I JUST DON'T KNOW!!! I don't, I don't , I don't.
One day, I will pass through these woods.....but not today. One day we will both, my mom and I, pass through these woods.
posted by gale at 4:40 PM
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