A Defining Moment

My mom became a widow when I was just but three years old. I'll do the math for you, which was 46 years ago. This man was the love of her life.
Since the onset of dementia, she has mentioned him a couple of times, with lack of knowledge that he was gone, had passed away. She didn't mention him often, but once in awhile.
Well, most recently, Mom has suffered through what seems to be the worsening of her dementia, with depression that leaves her in tears for reasons she doesn't know and sometimes in tears of confusion, thinking she needs to be somewhere else, living with someone else, or that someone else is coming to pick her up.

Yesterday was one for those tearful days for Mom, to the point where she refused medication, food, drink, any type of comforting. Nothing could seem to bring her out of the sadness, into a place of happier focus. During this time though, she made a very clear statement....almost makes you wonder if somewhere, deep inside, is the mom we know, imprisioned in a speechless, incoherent body, unable to reach out and let you know she is there.....in any case,....she said to Nathan, when he asked why she was sad............she needed to go home, she wanted to go home with her husband John. This was a moment of clarity, that she could even put associate the right name and relationship.

In the back of my mind, it makes me wonder though if she is wanting out. Away from the suffering, away from the dementia that took so much from her, away to a place of happiness, home again, with the man she loved and spent many years with, yet not enough. Was she telling us she wants to go home to be with him, to heaven where I believe he sits waiting for her. Was she sad because perhaps God was saying it was not her time yet?
I don't know, but it makes me wonder when a statement so clear as this comes from her. I can only pray, God will see and give her the desire of her heart, even if it means I have to let go. I'll take my mama anyway I can have her, but if it would make her happy to go home....then I'll just have to let her go.
Love my mama.